Thou Shall Not Commit Adultery

Exodus 20:14

  It is part of our fallen nature to avoid "commands."  We didn't like them as children, and to be honest, we don't much like them as adults either.  The very words can't, don't, shouldn't, must ring harsh in our ears.  We're all a bit like Esau, willing ( in the flesh) to trade anything -  even our birthright - for a plate of stew to satisfy our hunger of the moment.  Our flesh cares nothing for happiness tomorrow or peace of heart for a lifetime.  It cares nothing about the well-being of those we love.  All it seeks is  gratification now!

This is the legacy of our first parents - the long shadow of Adam and Eve.  If we see a sign on a door that says, "Do Not Enter," our first inclination is to peek in.  And if we have to pass by it too many times, our curiosity becomes more and more active. It's typical for most of us to eventually try, just to see what is in there.

People have the attitude, "Well, I can do what I want to do.  It's my life.  I can live the way I want to and go where I want to go."  If a sign says "Don't do this," I will do it anyway, if I can get away with it.  "If God says, 'Don't commit adultery, ' it's really none of his business."  But it is His world, His creation, and it is His business whether or not people obey His commands.  He loves  us so much, that He has made a list of restrictions to protect us from what would be so destructive to our lives and the lives of those we love.

Adultery is one of those things.  Consequences of adultery roll on and on, growing in their intensity, and impacting generation after generation.

Why is it God is so concerned about adultery in particular?  Why should purity and faithfulness in marriage be so important to Him?  Because He knows that the home and the church are the two institutions ordained of God on earth to visibly model the love of God.  It is in satan's interest to mar and disfigure both of those models.  In particular, satan seeks the destruction of  married love and the family.  How often we forget that "our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." (Eph 6:12)

It's visible in our every day life if we just turn on the TV.  On any given evening one can encounter a constant parade of seduction and suggestive sexual encounters.  Virtually every program is riddled with immorality, seduction, and flirtation.  It's adultery plain and simple.  Hollywood has made it all appear so romantic, exciting, and even funny.  The image makers surround it with laughter, beautiful music, and sumptuous settings.  At the same time, they carefully airbrush away the inevitable shame, deceit, betrayal, and ugliness.

People watching these shows begin to think their own lives are so dull, so unromantic. Where is their music?  Where is their laughter?  Maybe that's what they need - maybe that will fill the gaping empty spot in their hearts.  But those who bring us these myths never show what follows in real life after such an "affair."  They never show the bills coming due. the tears, the pain and devastation.  They glorify in modern terms the story of David and Bathsheeba.  David is the hunk, and Bathsheeba is the gorgeous sweet young thing.  It's all romance and silk sheets, a palace and servants - but they never include the rest of David's story and  of his shattered family.

Satan is a master salesman.  He brings us what we think we want, all wrapped up in a package of  "You deserve this.  You need this. There'll never be anything like this again in your life.  If you don't grab for it now, it may be gone."  He doesn't want us to think beyond the "now."  He doesn't want us to consider our actions.  He certainly doesn't want us to ponder the consequences or to look down the road.  He doesn't want us to even consider that there will be payments for the rest of our lives.

I read once about a man who was asked the question, "What effect will my actions have if I go through a door called Desire?" This is what he said:

I will grieve the One who redeemed me.

I will drag his sacred name through the mud.

I will have to look Jesus in the eye one day and give an account of my action.

I will inflict untold hurt on my wife, who is my best friend and who has been faithful to me.

I will lose my wife's respect, love and trust.

I will hurt my beloved daughters.

I will destroy my example and credibility.

I might lose my wife and children forever.

I will shame my family.

I will lose my own self-respect (though God would forgive me, could I forgive myself?)

I could form memories and flashbacks that plague future intimacy with my spouse.

I could reap the consequences of diseases.

I could cause a pregnancy that would be a lifelong reminder of my sin.

I could involve lifelong shame and embarrassment on myself.

Wise man!  He looked at the cost and wondered what kind of "deal" satan was really placing before him.

Where does adultery begin?

Many reading this may be saying, "I have never committed adultery and I never would.  This is a waste of my time reading this!  It doesn't apply to me."

Oh really?  Can you still say that after reading Jesus' words in Matthew 5:27-28?

^{"You have heard that it was said, ‘Do not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.}

So really, who among us hasn't failed the Lord in this area of mental adultery?  And where does adultery begin, if not in the mind?  The truth is, there is no such thing as a one-night stand.  An affair begins to play itself out on the stage of the imagination long before it occurs in real life.  The real battle in our lives is in our minds.  It began there with Adam and Eve, and has raged there ever since.  Satan whispers in our ears, and we find ourselves thinking about what we want, what we "deserve," what we "need," and what "by all rights" we should have.

When God says, "Heed My Word," we need to  remember that He has watched countless people walk to and fro across the surface of this planet from the very beginning.  He has seen the pain and consequences and the trouble that have come as a result of every violation of this seventh commandment.  How could a loving God do less than warn us?  How could He do less than set His protective rules out for us and urge us to walk safely within them?

How does adultery begin to suggest itself to an unguarded heart?  Here are a few sources discovered in counseling and shared by  Ron Mehl  in "The Ten(der) Commandments:

    Immaturity and conflict

        Immaturity wants what it wants, and wants it now!  Couples that don't address the conflicts that arise in their relationship, will be very vulnerable to this source. The one thing that is needed to keep this marriage together is commitment- and that is a mature quality.  We too often enter into marriage looking for someone to serve us instead of for us to serve.  Love that is based on passion or need is also not going to last.  Biblical love is based on commitment.  The whole purpose of that kind of love is to serve, satisfy and fulfill the person to whom You've committed your life.  Love is not a feeling.  Genuine love is still love when you can no longer find the feelings.  It's still love when you can no longer feel anything.  Think about it.  Was it a warm fuzzy feeling that kept Christ on the cross?  Is it a feeling that causes Him to love and forgive us when we fail?  No, it is His love for us, is it His commitment to us.  If love were based on feeling, how could God love us at all?  Because we stumble and fail.  Yet He loves us with a committed love.

 

   Expectations

   We often have expectations of people we love, but they often go unmet.  We tend to put pressure on others to believe they are the ones who are going to satisfy us, fulfill us, and meet every need we have.  We can invest in each other, love each other, and be a blessing to each other, but God is the one who is the satisfier.  He is the One who fulfills in every regard. There is no one person in the world that is going to fill all the empty places in your heart.  Only the Lord God can do that!

   Lack of Nurture

Don't deprive your mate of the love and affection  - physical and emotional - that you promised each other at the altar.  If you deprive each other, you will become very vulnerable.  Usually a person who commits adultery talks about "needing someone to love me."  We don't really need a relationship that is someone to love and fulfill us, but rather someone we can serve.  "Our greatest need in life is to serve people, and you'll never be a servant to anyone else unless you're a servant to your spouse and family." (Ron Mehl) 

The Lord has chosen us and purchased us with a price beyond comprehension. (1 Peter 1:18-18).  Does our life get turned around because Christ came to fulfill us, to serve us?  Or is it because we discovered what He did to draw us close to Himself?  That is how we know He we are loved by Him, that He is committed to us.  It is our job to convince those we love that we do love them - not the other way around! It's not our job to convince ourselves that God loves us.  That's His job.  That's what the Holy Spirit does...He constantly reminds us that we have been bought with a price, and that we are His.

What if We Have Already Failed?

It is safe to say, we have all failed in this command at some time.  There is not one of us that can honestly say we have never allowed an impure, adulterous thought linger on  the screen of our mind.  He tells us that if we have committed adultery in our mind, it is the same in heaven's eyes as if we have already followed through on the act.

Make a decision to repent and confess your sin to the Lord.

To repent means to change course.  He says that when we confess our sins He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness (1 John 1:9).

Accept His forgiveness.

Our emotions often refuse to come along for a while after we have confessed our sin.  He wants to cover us with His blood and wash us clean, white as snow. (Heb 10:22).

End the relationship now.

Today- right now.  Not tomorrow.  Not a week from now.  There is no easy way out, and , yes, someone is always going to get hurt.  The only way to end it is to END IT. 

Thank God.

Thank Him for His restoration and resurrection power.  Some people need restoration  because things in their lives and marriages are broken and need to be fixed.  Others need resurrection because something has died and cannot live again apart from the touch of the One who is Life.  Praise God for His mercy.  Remember the woman in the scriptures who had committed adultery, and what Jesus said to her accusers; "Who of you is without sin?  Who of you has never done this or thought it in your secret heart?  Let that one cast the first stone."  After the accusers  left, Jesus looked at her asked where her accusers  were.  Who was there to condemn her. She answered, "No one, Lord"  He said to her, "Neither do I condemn you; go and sin no more" (John 8:9-111).  He was not excusing the sin - He was forgiving it.  He has the right and authority to do it!

He will be there with you to remain in your new commitment!  He is protecting you and will always warn you when you start to get off track!

Father, thank You, that You are a loving and forgiving God.  Forgive us for the times we have failed You and gone against Your rules.  You have given them to us for our own protection, and we so foolishly go off on our own, looking for our own solutions.  Help us start new today in our commitment to you, to our mate (or the future mate you have for us), and to those we love.  Teach us to love as You do. Thank You for Your Word that is so the Lamp unto our feet.  May we always walk in the Light of it!

In Your precious Son's name I pray, Amen!